Monthly Archives: June 2014

Love is love!

You know what I’m sick of? This whole gay marriage fight! I mean, really! Let people be who they are! Let people love who they love! This is stupid! If you’re a woman who doesn’t agree with gay marriage, then I suggest you not marry another woman. If you are a man who opposes gay marriage, then allow me to suggest that YOU don’t marry another man! It’s that simple!

Even if you oppose due to religion. Wonderful! Your voice has been heard! You have stood up for what you believe. You will not be condemned at the pearly gates for staying silent. You’ve done what you believe is right. Now, sit down. Why? Because it’s not for you to judge! If you believe that gay people are wrong, be a good Christian and let God handle them. That ain’t your job! WHY would you even WANT that job?! Really? How does gay marriage affect YOUR marriage? It really doesn’t. Just like Suzie and Bob getting a divorce down the street has NOTHING to do with your marriage. That is, unless, YOU’RE the reason for their divorce. And if that’s the case, your marriage problems have NOTHING to do with gay marriage, Suzie or Bob! It’s WAY deeper! But I digress.

I get asked how, as a Christian, do I not have a problem with gay marriage. Well, for two very good reasons. #1. I believe in the Bible. The Bible tells me that gay people exist. (Well, will you look at that! It’s correct!) It also commands that I not judge. (That means to me that even if gay people ARE living in sin, it’s not my place to “deal with them” with my OWN mighty sword of scorn, slander and discrimination!) He’ll handle it, himself–without my input! The Bible FURTHER commands me to love. (I don’t think we need an explanation on that one, do we?) Now, if I believe EVERYTHING in my Bible…(you see where I’m going?)…how can I NOT believe in gay people? How can I, in good conscience, not love them? And how can I possibly judge them? Everyone will account for their own life one day. So, I make it my mission to really stay out of other people’s business.

My 2nd reason? I’m a beautiful, Christian, intelligent, funny, witty, educated, successful 37 year old black woman with no children, no criminal record, no diagnosed mental illnesses, good health and a heart of gold–yet I’m still single. I’ve apparently got a hard enough time getting married my damn self with all this good stuff I bring to the table!!!! I don’t have the energy the worry about who “errrrebody” else is marrying or not marrying!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just watched singer Monifah marry the love of her life on R&B Divas: Atlanta and I cried like a baby as if I was really attending! I wasn’t physically there, but in that moment it felt like I was in the presence of true love. It was beautiful! I didn’t see 2 women. I just saw 2 people who love each other, committing to each other for life. I saw the same thing I see at ALL weddings. Love.

Love is God’s greatest gift. Who are we to deny the gift of love? It’s not ours to give or take.

Can we just move on to issues that matter. Our children are getting dumber! Our criminals are getting smarter! Our veterans are NOT being taken care of as they should be! We’re fighting wars and losing some of our heroic men and women! We have “affordable” healthcare that really ISN’T affordable. (Have you SEEN the deductibles??? Yeah, you can go to the doctor for a ROUTINE visit, but don’t get sick FOR REAL! You STILL can’t afford it!)

I’m just ready for this mind-numbing fight to be over! Let people be who they are and love who they love! You mind your marriage and let them mind theirs!

 

 

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HAPPY Fathers’ Day?

*Please let me first preface with: I’m not a parent, so I can still voice certain truths that parents wouldn’t DARE utter in public or else drown in an unsolicited verbal assault for “being a bad parent” or “hating their kids,” etc.

Mothers Day, Fathers’ Day and Grandparents’ days are beautiful sentiments. The cards, presents, lunches/dinners are all very sweet.

If there are any days of the year that parents and grandparents should get what they want, it’s days like today. Grandparents’ Day is easy! They don’t usually, in normal circumstances, see the grandchildren everyday, so all day with grands is the perfect holiday! But I often wonder how many moms and dads get what they really want on Mothers’ and Fathers’ days? For example, I took a nice, quiet, rejuvenating nap this afternoon! How many dads really just wanted a nice, quiet, rejuvenating nap today and actually got it? LOL

Forgetting it was Fathers’ Day, I ventured out for lunch today. LOTS of moms, dads…and screaming kids. *sigh* No dads really looked all that happy and excited to be “enjoying” their designated day…with the kids. Neither did the moms on Mothers’ Day OR today, for that matter. I’m sure some do, but the majority I’ve seen, don’t. Maybe that’s what has always discouraged me from parenthood. Well, outside of the science fiction-type reality of playing host to something growing and living inside of you as a parasite for the better part of a year; that tires you out, makes you gain weight (as if I need help with THAT!), swell in places you never thought about, urinate when you laugh as it presses down on other organs, makes you sick in the first few months– only to force itself out by way of YOUR unattractive, excruciating, exhausting pain and agony!!! (Never thought of it that way, have you? Welcome to my mental world! LOL)

Don’t get me wrong! I’m sure parenthood is as rewarding in it’s own way, as the majority of parents tell me it is. And I feel proud when I hear of the achievements of the children in my life. I feel rewarded when 1 of those children hugs me, tells me they love me and want me in their presence. And I even felt loved, overjoyed and sad all at the same time, when my 4 year old little cousin didn’t want to get out of the backseat of my car after spending the day with me, because he knew it meant I was leaving him and that was his logic to keep me there! 🙂 The love of a child is VERY, VERY special! It warms the heart and soul. The fact that this little innocent being sees you in your simplicity and loves everything about you makes you feel like you’re doing SOMETHING right in this life, even when everything else feels wrong!

But parents still look extremely exhausted, frustrated, and stressed whenever I see them! I hear the constant yelling of children’s names over and over. It annoys ME to hear it, so I KNOW it’s gotta be annoying for you to yell it! I see the fidgety parent who can’t concentrate on grocery shopping or hold a conversation with another adult because of their kids. I’ve even been asked by parent friends if I also need to “go potty” when they excuse themselves from our table in a restaurant! LOL There’s always something kid-related! Never a moment’s peace…until the kids are asleep, but then it’s time to prepare for the next day! And let’s not even mention the juggling of parents to carve out time for each other, let alone themselves!

Moms and Dads have WAY too much “kid” in their lives on a daily basis already. So, here’s my suggestion for Mothers’ and Fathers’ Days. Next year, after the traditional special breakfasts, gifts, cards and verbal sentiments, get rid of the kids for the day! Have the other parent, grandparents or a trustworthy childless friend take them for the day! Yes, I understand that parenting is a full time job, but I think you deserve a break! You KNOW you want a break, whether you’re willing to admit it out loud or not! Society puts such pressure on what you should and shouldn’t say as a parent, that you forget you’re human with human feelings! There’s nothing wrong with being human! There’s nothing wrong with that natural feeling of wanting to get away from your kid(s)! Sometimes, I want to get away from your kids and I’m only with them for a little while, so I KNOW you need to get away sometimes! LOL It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent! Quiet, as is kept, honey, you might find that you’re an even better parent if you’re honest with yourself about these things.

What good is a holiday just for you, if you’re doing the same thing on it that you do the other 364 days??? (You’re welcome! LOL)

Happy Fathers’ Day, Dads!

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Friday the 13th! Reminiscing on “Operation Jean Shake: The Iraqi Arachnid Incident”

Happy Superstition Day! Happy Friday the 13th!

Honestly, I’m not really a superstitious person. I think black cats are beautiful, not evil. I’ve stepped on plenty of cracks and my mother’s back is still intact. I’ve walked under a ladder or 2 and nothing happened. I’ve mistakenly dropped mirrors and it didn’t result in bad luck. (I have young, stupid decisions to blame for that!)  I’ve said Bloody Mary AND Candyman in the mirror 5 times and I’m still here!

Most of the superstitious things I’ve done or do are out of respect for my elders, not fear. Okay, well, once it was to get rid of a boyfriend (and I use THAT term loosely) who just wasn’t going away fast enough! Granted it was practically over anyway, I figured it couldn’t hurt to try to speed things up, you know? The superstition goes that if you buy a man shoes, he’ll walk out of your life. I think it worked! It was another year before the relationship finally ended, but who’s to say it wouldn’t have been TWO more years if I hadn’t given him that nice pair of dress shoes for his birthday? (*rolling eyes* Women! We can quit a diet, but will hang on to a man in the hope that he’ll magically become one because of our love! We. Are. Ridiculously. Hopeful!)

So, maybe I AM superstitious. I bury money every New Year’s Eve and dig it up New Year’s Day to ensure I have money all year, because my Grandmother insisted I oblige her in this customary act since elementary school.  (Of course, once you’re an adult and you have a job, that supersition loses clout!) I eat collards, black-eyed peas (which I LOATHE) cooked with a penny in the pot and pork on New Year’s Day for good luck, good health and prosperity in the new year.  I always say “Break a leg” instead of “good luck” before stage performances. I never place my purse on the ground (or else you’ll lose all your money). *surprised gasp* Why those smart, sneaky and crafty old people! They converted me and I didn’t even realize it!!!

Back to the point! Let’s face it! Friday the 13th is nothing to fear. There are no monsters. You can go swimming and have sex if you’d like. Smoke, drink and split pairs all day at the casino. And for Heaven’s sake, leave your home if you need to go somewhere! Nothing’s gonna happen on Friday the 13th, right? Maybe I should rephrase that. Nothing uniquely unstaged and unorchestrated by sick minds is gonna happen on Friday the 13th, right?

Wait! That’s not exactly true either. I CAN recall ONE scary and eventful Friday the 13th in my life. Nearly 4 years ago. In the middle of a war zone. In the Middle Eastern desert. My friends know this story well. I think my friend, Carol, enjoys this story more than anyone! She’s even asked for it in writing! LOL

The story you’re about to read is entirely true. I haven’t changed my name or the assassin’s name to protect either of us. No facts have been ommitted or exaggerated.

Date: Friday, August 13, 2010.  Place: Balad, Iraq. Time: About 1:30PM. Temperature: 118 F.

So, I’m in the port-a-potty this fine, sweltering afternoon (I’m sure you’re already thinking; ‘this can’t end well’) and I reach for the tissue. To my surprise, there’s a transparent spider about the size of a nickel on it. (Here’s where things go awry…). I shriek and fling the tissue. In my excitement, though, I flung it in the wrong direction. (Wrist flicks are tricky motions in moments of fear and certain death!) He lands somewhere between my legs. Now, I’m faced with a tough dilemna: grab a new roll of tissue or look for the spider. I quickly grab new tissue and then frantically search my open jeans that are still bundled around my ankles. I fail to find said spider. I’m so absolutely certain at this point that this poisonous Iraqi creature is in my jeans, that you couldn’t have PAID me to believe he was NOT! Oh! Those sneaky, dress-wearing bastards! They’ve trained EVERYTHING over here for warfare!!!!!

As you know there’s not much room in a port-a-potty to even do what it is you went in to do in the first place–much less anything else! But I HAD to get this venomous Iraqi arachnid (try saying that 5 times!) out of my jeans! So, I proceed to stand on top of the toilet and begin to take off my jeans in order to shake the spider out. I get my right leg out and as I’m preparing to shift my weight to get the left leg out, my foot plants itself in the urinal portion of the port-a-potty. NOW, not only is there an unfamiliar type of spider out for my certain death, but I’m half naked in a port-a-potty with my bare right leg crooked up with the front of my shoe securely lodged in the urinal.

I start trying to yank my foot out of the urinal and the port-a-potty shifts a bit. That’s when I realize…this is it! This is how it all ends! I can see the headline: “Army Contractor Dies In Iraq–half naked–from a spider bite–in a port-a-potty.” Not a mortor. Not an IED. Not a suicide bomber. But a damn spider. In a port-a-potty. Half naked! Oh God! And what about the crime scene photos? Me slumped upside down (by the time they find my lifeless body) with my leg cocked and twisted up in the urinal portion?!

I decide I’m way too vain to go out like this!

I begin to very carefully force my shoe out of the urinal– stopping every few seconds due to the rocking and shaking.

Did I mention I’m right beside one of the base runways? So, not only is my own weight rocking the port-a-potty and splashing that nasty blue water mixed with…well…you know; but huge military C-17’s,  C-130’s, fighter jets and helicopters are landing and taking off– ALSO shaking the potty…and blue water. I FINALLY get my foot out, decide it’s time to abort “Operation Jean Shake” and just get the hell out of the port-a-potty! I have no clue what happened to the spider.

So, on second thought—there ARE forces against us out there on Friday the 13th! Stay at home! Don’t swim! Don’t have sex! Don’t drink! Don’t smoke! Don’t split pairs! Run like hell from the monsters, yall, and don’t look back or you’ll fall! Don’t use the bathroom until 12:01am! And damn sure don’t use a port-a-potty today!

Till next time…

Happy Friday the 13th!

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Welcome to OpenMindedGumbo!

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by! Let’s get right to the point! For those who don’t know, gumbo is a DELICIOUS stew that originated in southern Louisiana. It’s chock full of…well…quite possibly everything! It usually contains a hodge podge of chicken, sausage, seafood, rice, vegetables…basically whatever floats your boat! The first gumbo I ever had even contained turtle feet! (Not that turtle feet float my boat.) They weren’t half bad!

I’ve been considering starting a blog for a while now. A LOT goes through my open mind and I’m not very shy about sharing it. Good, bad, wicked, funny, politically incorrect, sentimental, inspirational. I say the things most people won’t. Sometimes I even say the things people shouldn’t. Sometimes it all goes together. Sometimes it doesn’t. My brain is a delicious hodge podge stew! Get it? 😉  I could seriously use an outlet! My friends are usually my target audience. But many of them have children…who can now read their parents’ Facebook pages. LOL So, here we are! Expanding!

The problem was I just couldn’t think of a catchy, cute, appropriate title! That is, until today! As I sat in my office, glued to my computer screen full of periodic elements and numbers, it just hit me! Open minded gumbo! I like it! And that, my dear friends, is how this blog was born!

So, what shall we dive into first? Politics? (Rick Perry likening homosexuality to alcoholism. Naw, not today.) Friends? (Maybe later.) Marriage equality? (Let’s wait.) My time in Iraq? (Maybe tomorrow.) My Disney addiction? (Oh, that’ll be sprinkled in places it doesn’t even fit! LOL) Me? Alright. I guess that’s fair.

My name is Valarie Shakespeare. *sigh* (and now the questions) YES! That’s my real name. NO! I don’t know if I’m related to William Shakespeare yet. I’m a novice to genealogy, but I’m working on it. YES! It may be unusual to you, but it’s no where NEAR unusual where I’m from. (Yes, I ended a sentence with a preposition. I consider myself a grammar nazi (there’s that political incorrectness) but from time to time, I WILL skate the grammar rules.) NO! I was not teased in school and to my knowledge, neither was anyone else in my family. Remember. My last name was common in my hometown. I’m from a small city in southern Alabama called Andalusia. (Yes, like the horse.) Born, raised and educated in sweet home Alabama.  That’s right! I’m a Bama girl! Sweet as molasses,  feisty as a fox and don’t cross me or I’ll be as mean as an angered rattlesnake!

I love God, the ocean, my awesome friends, family, Broadway and Disney!

I moved to my dream state of Florida in my 29th year. LOVED EVERY MINUTE! I WILL reclaim my Florida residency someday.

I moved to Iraq as a contractor 2 weeks after my 32nd birthday for 2 1/2 years. That was an amazing experience! Now, I reside in Texas. Or rather, what they TELL me is Texas. Feels more like lil’ Mexico. (Anybody ever been “out in the West Texas town of El Paso?” Yeah, you know what I mean, then! LOL)

I’m single (for any good man looking! But there ARE basic requirements!) I have no children and no desire for children of my own. (I’m sure that’ll be a blog later.) I have beautiful children in my life who I love as if they were my own. That’s good enough! I consider myself much better “auntie” material!

So, that’s a little about me and how this blog came to be! (Ha, ha! I rhymed!) Till next time. Tomorrow should be good. It’s Friday the 13th!

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